BLEEDING FOR YOU

2010-12-09T06:22:00.000-08:00

i dont know how someone can change in just a day.
just again i thought that i have proven myself wrong .
i was so happy to be wrong but than he turn around and walk away.
i cannot see any other betral as big as this .
the state which i have already escape one year ago has come back only thing with a heavier load.
i know i have done wrong but the fact its not known means it doesnt exist...
i didnt know it could effect me.
the most painfullest thing is , i cannot compare the 1st to the second..

2010-12-01T19:14:00.000-08:00

i try to be humble, i try to be good in the end it always ends up to me falling down. even my own blood can betray me. i feel so lost and incomplete.i try my best to ignore the fact that they are selfish but it only leads me to my own death. sometimes i wonder will it ever be the same again.. i have friends bult almost all of them are asses.

you know i recently packed my bag and left the house, and when i was leaving no one stoped me at all? i was just very very shocked. i felt like i should have ran away a long time.

now that kiran come out i am just suppose to sit down AND WATCH AS MY SITER LIFE BACOMES THE SAME. i am happy tht kiran come out and kiran is better that jj but still when u put them to gether u get bad names like doke! wtf la..,

me and rishi also going down the dran. his been changing alot seriously frankly i dunt think we can last as long as i thought we would his become more dominent

.

2009-10-01T02:03:00.000-07:00

long time never updat ala..
ALOT OF CRAP HAPPENING LA ..
ALSO GOT THIS GUY.... AHHH..
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO..,..

MY HEART SCREAM HASHBROWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i miss him so much.. its like hasbrown is dead for a long time but i still want his..
exam crying dammmnnn horrible sia..
dunt want to stay back sec 3.. =(

AHH.. WONT BE UPDATING SOON I THINK !! lazy..muhuhhahaha...

other thn tht i am HAPPY!
#nt much problem !!
=)

SOMEBODY CALL 911.. SHORTY BURNING UP THERE ON THE DANCE FLOOR!!

p.s: STILL LOVING YOU FROM AFAR..

2009-09-01T02:21:00.000-07:00

sorry nvr update!

nothing to say
I have stop
joking
laughing
running
talking
thinking
dancing
singing
taking pictures
messaging
cals

i have stop being myself

=)

2009-08-28T19:07:00.000-07:00

moved back already.!! =)
very boring at home with put my baby cozins..
and the house is so silent without d.o.g..

i am OVER THT monkey...
my phone also he nvr fix.now i have to go borrow money.
muka jatuh sial. SERIOUSLY.

ahhhhhhhhh!!!
SCREW THE WORLD

.........

2009-08-21T19:12:00.000-07:00

i do regret alot of things i say.. eh how come he treating me back the same.
also GO WITH THE FLOW??
whats wrong with me why am i not happy?
mabey i am ... mabey i need to give it time.
but i do not consider this an relationship ... =) proud of myself for tht

i think i know what to do...
for a sec yesterday i thought i was over him but i was WRONG. i guess.
i gotta talk to navin.
talking to anisha dint help.
she is too happy and i do not wanna disturb her.i want anisha back .
the none cercastic one..

Menveer is also helping me alot.he is the only one there i consider a true friend.
i really saying him as a friend la.. THANKS MEEEEENNNVVVVEEERR!!
also missing pal singh loads!! he likes to make me laugh.. but cashy is just weird funny..!LOL

today moving back home.in an hour got to start shifting.
AWSOME.!!

PS: SORRY I CANNOT SAY THIS TO YOUR FACE.

I LOVE YOU!

man god help me!

;;;

2009-08-19T03:00:00.000-07:00

HURT

........

2009-08-19T01:40:00.000-07:00

this really sucks la.
me and hashbrown also no more.damn hurting.
he dunt wanna take another chance cause he know he will go back to her.than in the beggining why did he want to go with me.
i got half a mind to slap him and walk away.

i really love him loads that i am willing to do something i wouldent do for spiky, be the 2nd.
i really want him back.he let me leave.i think he still got feeling for me.samo he treats me diffrent.that hurt even more that he is very rude to me. i wanna what he wants i really want him to sit me down and talk. i asked him this. baby will i ever get to kiss ur lips again and he said yes but without strings.well,looks like tht is never happning again.he has made me relieze that i shouldent walked away well baby
IF THIS WAS A GAME THAn YOU HAVE WON.

ps: baby sit me down and talk to me.please just me and you.
not when friends are around. LOVE U
i wanna die sia!!

REMEMBER I WISPERD TO YOUR EAR ' i will wait for you'?
and u made me promise?? well i am keeping it for now

sick!!

2009-07-29T20:47:00.000-07:00

I MI

been sick man..

staying at home.got all the symtoms for h1n1 nw oni got 1 mre day to recover if nt have to go tts.

hahas i am getting over him but everytime i heard from some, do you know he really did love u .

i was selfish .i cannot say i was faithful.our 'shaadi' was based on pureness.

but i lost it.and i think cause it was of tht mistake.

I MISS UE!

HEARTLESS

2009-07-23T07:23:00.000-07:00

Y AM I ALWAYS SO DEPRESSED.. WHY MUST MMMY MAKE LIFE SO DIFFUCULT FOR ME... I AM NOT GOING U.K!!! NO I AM NOT.. I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF I ... I CANNOT TAKE IT.. IF ANOTHER PENNY DROP ON MY HEART I WILL BREAK ... I AM HELPLESS JUST LIKE WHEN D.O.G LEFT ME.. I WILL RUN AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK!

loser!!

2009-07-22T06:17:00.000-07:00

i am so bored.

mama suppose to come home today.
tak jadi ni!! lol

uncle anant left today i was sad.. dunno why but i love him alot..!!
and for some reason i felt like crying when he left.
i hope he come home safe..

GROUNDING OVER SOON!
=p going chai chee!

lastest

2009-07-20T04:31:00.000-07:00

this wednesday is a very exicting...

grounded over.....

going chai chee soon!!
see pal,cashy!!!

kiran.... my sis...

OMG I CAN GO WITH JANNAH GYM! ! !

WHHHOOHUUU..

2009-07-18T07:44:00.000-07:00

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piiiseed

2009-07-18T07:19:00.000-07:00

i am so angry i tell you.
i remembered the scholding...
i really wanna go tmmro... its like a must must...
i got a strong feeling to start rebelling again..
atleast i got what i want... man moon moon .. i dunt blame u animore!! i swear i dunt
wait ar world war 4 going to come soon.

GOALS???

2009-07-17T05:17:00.000-07:00

beEn getting really confused lately.
shane farewell i cannot even go . fell so bad an guilty.
i dont know what to do.. let me try and think!

1) stop asking for TROUBLE with outside friends.
2) stop lying
3) stop taking shit for ppl
4) START IN THE STUDYING MODE(DIFFUCULT)

2009-07-16T05:45:00.000-07:00

today was a bit of a pissing day ,
now i am ok la i guess. i feel really bad. i dont know whats happening.
now that i have got tht thing back i dunt give a shit!

i thing my wrinting on the paper is wearing me out.i found a cure.
i think.i am just confused thats all =)
ahhahha... i am become
CRAZY

LOST

2009-07-15T09:05:00.000-07:00

i have not been updating latEly.
alot have been happenin. also all the going out the break ups and the make up and family problem.there are like countless going on right now but yea i also cannot say anithing.
i dont know weather my family has my blog.i have nothing aainst my family i love them and they have always been there for me.it is just that something are better left a secret.i know they are wrong that is why it is a secret.. like duh!

i have been going out late and coming home.i dont Lie when they ask me where i am or things like this and i dunt lie when i say i didnt intend to come home late.if i did intend to do it i will just shut up and listen.

made alot of new friends and lost alot of old friends.that is the price i paid.i am SORT of ok with it.i knw some of it is my fault.

mama is in u.k. i have nothing agaist her or blame her for anithing.i dunt break the rulez and go haywire cause i am angry with her for going u.k or the dad issue or the fact that we have no dad and she has not always been there.(now she is la . abit too late though) .
i am just having fun that is all and i should have listen to uncle selvem but tht boi shower me with so much love that even i couldent resist falling for him.

ii just avoided a heartbreak and is glad although they are strings attach.how long can i avoid it. i have made this into a game and i do not intend of loosing it.i want to win so tht i will get what i want nd no one heart will get hurt.

SOMETIMES I AM JUST LOST...

lies?

2009-06-24T05:04:00.000-07:00

i went to kiran house had a blast met someone amazing.
\he was the frist guy to watch me sleep amd tht was very super sweet of him really was..
i dunt know but he is just too good to be true.and sometimes i think it really is impossible.
\i have him but i miss him? lies?>

hey!

2009-06-18T23:49:00.000-07:00

the wedding was the bomb la.
but the people there were very dead.
i am alright la oni have 5 days to tahan the MOTIVATION IS KEY PROCESS.
NOW its really noisy , down stairs ppl doing construction and
my coz crying.i fell like killing ppl right now.seriously.
you know i have been quite close toksthrine more than anisha.
whats happening?my anisha has really change alot because of her boo.
and everyone notices that.i tried telling her but she wounldent get the hint and she is doing more stuff to make us distance like lying about it and thestuff i am hearing from people about her are nt going in my head cause i know no matter what she will never be that bad.
kathrine is awsome i feel myself around her.i rarely lie at all, i am not afraid to try new things with her and we have the same intrest.
cathrinaa is still my besty! lolx

k la chow ppl.. =)

btw special thanksto randhir sidhu,raj and yash melwani.
ESPACIALLY SIDHU!! omg will tell u full story next time... k

dead

2009-06-16T21:42:00.000-07:00

wah i have notice that my blog has become dead.
nothing to say la.

yesterday i went to anisha house for the full dress rehersal and it was rocking to the max.
i cant wait to dress up for the wedding but as far as the wedding goes, i dunno.
i expected it to be a punjabi wedding but ended up to be a tamil and eurasian wedding.
o well my sis couldent come so we got cathreinaa to sub and i am so glad because cat is one of my bestest friend.

2009-06-10T21:14:00.000-07:00

never update in along time.

nothing much to say.still crying everyday for d.o.g..

june holidays ok ok la...when some thing exiting happens i will inform.. =))

sad

2009-06-07T10:21:00.000-07:00

sometimes i just want to scream.

no one know how i am feeling rite now. sometimes i wish i didnt change myself.

i am now really less bublly.i dont care for much things animore and i tend to now adays notice small things to envy about ppl.nothing matters animore.i use to be an upneat person but now i am more to a alone at a corner until someone notices i am there kind of person.can someone help me?

2009-05-25T04:07:00.001-07:00

new pic of mie!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol

2009-05-24T17:43:00.000-07:00

i am at school now.haven't updated is SO long . uncle anant took out the wireless thingy and i cannot use the laptop.i don't want to use the desktop .

i have been really stressed lately and to add on, kurt has been expel.he is one of my good friends.but seriously i am so going to miss him alot!

as for d.o.g i am not over him but i have been able to sayang dia but its just not the same.sometimes i call dia d.o.g.

yash also very annoying but okay la he very funny !
yash dont offended when i do not talk or reply short! i am just having a rough time.

all know is that this is one of the worst year ever.mabey because i lost d.o.g and myself.

everyone said i have change and i agree i have become less bubbly.like wgatever la i also dont care no more all i know is that this is who i become! deaL WITH IT...

..

2009-05-16T22:48:00.000-07:00

long time never update..nothing special ma happening for the pst few days..

later mabey i update!!!

nothing to say so see new pic lor..taken with mY NEW phone =)

i feell this

2009-05-11T08:33:00.000-07:00

when i am sad,ppl tell me this..dunt do ANYTHING STUPID (ect.. cut my wrist)..i am hurt enough..nothing else needs to be done to feel pain... and its true cause this past few day are one of the most saddest day in my life..lost soo many people!! ive also lost myself..but come to realise i was never myself but just becoming what people wanted me to be.i am nt alone but yet i am cuse no one rally understands my feelin....

LOST

2009-05-09T20:49:00.000-07:00

today is mothers day and mummy isnt hee.so sad.
we are having a party at mx house.dunt really have the mood.

i worte a letter to papa a few days ago.all i want is a sweet goodbye letter for him cause we;re ending our relationship.i am very close to him and it is hurting me to loos e another dad.only i know the reason to why i came back america.people things its because of my friends but no.it is like rotting in the house day by day doing the same old stuff..over and over.
i am very sad.this year,i have lost many things near and dear to me.i regreat alot of things in life including being born into this family.i need to get it straight.i have removed my anger but now i have nothing to blind my sadness anymore i am stuck.and i dont even have dog to confort me.
imagin having to want someone so bad but u cnt have him.knowing tht person is dead or sad or we just cannot meet again.i really cannot cope in this.even my friends are drifting apart from me.despite having so many people around,i am still lonely inside cause u knoe no one feels the same pain as u .everyone want me to tell them whats going on but they think that its tht easy. i know what i have to do but i just have no more strngth.no one understand that i need confort not pressure.words hurt more than actions and words also help more than action cause you can actually feel it inside . but not a million words can explain how sad and unhappy i am inside.people always says that its nothing.which idoit would want to put it on them self if its nothing.it drives me crazy when people say that.will i ever be totaly happy?? will someone help me?? will this feeling to stab my self right at the heart to take the sadness away, actually go away???

bored!!

2009-05-09T01:00:00.000-07:00

i seriously need to get a life.i am rotting at home!

i view ppls blog and i m so jelouse!! uff its like theirs is way nicer... lke nurul..

i dunt noe a think about blogging at all!

today on the labbie since morning!! lap damn hot.

seems like everyone is busy cause no one is coming online!!

on the 18 june gort this punjabi weedding and i am the brides maid.going with anisha kathrine and my sis.hopefully it will be a boom.ltr aunt sha and uncle anant going temple.dunno weather i want to follow also..hais..

i am at the face of my life where i have to change.i am not happybeing the way i am.i hope that my friends and family will support me in this.

mummy coming home soon with my touch screen samsung phone from u.k !!

miss mummy and i alr am missing my phone.

tried to sing today but i have a horrible flu..and no its nt swine flu!! i think!! :))

uff..cant wait for exam to over so school can start as per normal.i mean so i can stop concentrating abit!! :)) kiddig..shhh dunt tell my aunt.

finnally my brothers joke has stop.he has been carrying around this joke book tht he keeps reading to us ..ect (what did num 1 say to no 2?? she said i am no.1)lame rite??imagin having a hundred of those joke boing told to u even when ure tryin to sleep.!!

hais i updatte again ltr..punjabi wedding!!! here i come..wait..hopefully the wife doesnt change her mind about the marrige or i will kill her!! :)

see ya soon!! =)

MORNING!!

2009-05-08T20:39:00.000-07:00

mornin! k this morning which is now rite, i dreamt that i hug my sis laptop.and when i woke up i was hugging the laptop!! lolx...later will update again la!! now also just bored!! and yash is sooo gonna die!! yashuuu, try picking up ur phone!! pishuuu iwont spare u jaan!! pishuuu wunt spare u!! jaanuu!! :)

bored!!

2009-05-08T03:19:00.000-07:00

i am bored that is why i keep writing!!

stupid sanjiv keep on nudging me in msn .i am going to kill him when i see him.

seriously . i want school..not even saturday yet and i am already so bored.

i cannot wait for mummy to come home.uncle alfred bought for me a new samsung touch phone.so exicted!! hahas!!

2009-05-08T01:30:00.001-07:00

hahas suppose to go temple..see pic!!!

ashish la...the on top wan i took at schooll!! nice rite!!

sad day

2009-05-08T01:27:00.000-07:00

today i just cried and cried.. it felt like someone had died!! i am soo confusued!!
maths exam was today..ah yea.. i oni dunno how to do map and scale!!!
ahyoee... second paper i think flink..just keep praying!!

2009-05-06T23:32:00.000-07:00

today nothing much happen.

pe time i spent with my god sis inside toilet.

went to class listen to teacher nagging..

after pe me zihui and favian go buy food.

me and favian kena caught..wah mr.wee went to go and schold the store vender!!

hate him for that.uFF!!#

now exam also cannot concentrate!!too many problems!!

need to get over them la,or atleast solve it..

during cpa class i went to a deep sleep..wah so shoik!! :D

FOR THE FIRST TIME I ACTIALL WENT TO A DEEP SLEEP!!

lesson borin lor!!after that went to mother tounge class played bored games!

i kept on loosing in snap!!! so i just whacked my friends hand instead.. ;)

after that went home with tao wei.. :P

so yea..what a boring day...

2009-05-06T04:40:00.001-07:00

what happen to my blog!!!! :0
ah oooo...no more lioa all i write all gone
!!! whart happen!!! :((

whoohhuhh!!!

2009-05-06T04:08:00.000-07:00

today zi hui did my blog!!! soo nice!! credit to her fully!!

SO LONG!!

2009-05-05T22:47:00.000-07:00

so long i have not written in this blog!!!
nothing much happening lar...fought with hui qin they all. they really mean alot to me.i oni gave this link to 3 ppl for a reason because i dunt want ppl to find out.i really miss the relationship i have with hui qin. jia en , joanna treat me the same!! me and zi hui oviously noting will get between us.because she is my god sis.i took many bullets for her and i can take some more.hui qin and me there is a huge distance now. ia m going to try my best to make up with her and b friends with patrica.i am willing t do all this cause they mean alot to me.i dunt know how they see me but i see them as very good friends.i will never forget all the time i cry to them.they were there for me!! i am going to try..
i really want to try!! alot of things is happening ..will update dunno when la..oya gotta tell zi hui my link...i promise if i update my blog i will give her!!! bye!

FUCKED!!

2009-02-28T03:26:00.000-08:00

sometimes i just feel so uptight and ant to scream..
i do not know why but all my stress is only because of one person!!
i use to depend on that person alot and than we got into a fight..
he use to make me forget ll my problem ..
but he wasnt as good as i thought..
actually i knew what his reality was and i played along.............
just for fun..
now he is not my friend any more and i cannot cope with the sudden death of my dog..
i need him so bad but this tyme if we do make up,,

i am going to keep my distance so that the next time we fight, i wounldent be so hurt..
i think this is my issue.. I THINK!

2009-02-17T04:56:00.000-08:00

my baby girl is sick...

ah yo her fever until very high .

samo tommro i going camp cannot check on her also..

my mama also sick so is my younger bro.

ah yo..sometimes i also wonder..why everyone getting sick..

i mean i was also sick but now i have recovered after the visit to the stupid hospital emergency room..

wah lah i damn exicted for camp...!!

i dont think i can sleep!!

eh want to go set alarm ah...bye!!

2009-02-16T05:32:00.000-08:00

i find my self very choosy when it comes to bestie..

its like some people just step on their friends and i dont like it ..

sometimes i just want to have a die die best friend and although ppl say that they can

be my bestie....they cant..

well i do have a bestie that is a guy..and a good friend that is also a guy..

but it isnt the same cause we cannot talk some stuff like it will be akward!!

hahahs... ven is my bestie.....

navin is also my good friend...

valentine day

2009-02-14T23:14:00.000-08:00

WHAT a valentine...
i spent it with most of my great friends in the afternoon..
me,my god sis(zi hui) went hougang mall..
than we met favian siraj , khair , navin..ah ya alot lah!!
but i ended up spending night with my sis...
me and my sis ended up meeting my guy friend just to slack...
it was damn fun but i got in trouble for coming home late.... wakaka...

wah....

2009-02-14T22:56:00.000-08:00

frankly when i came back to singapore , i expected life to be the same...
how wrong was i ... my only concern was my mum..
i have a major problem i am still stuck in the past...
how i wish when i was primary four i ran away from taht man..
i can forgive but not forget...
till today i feel so dirty and used but i just keep quite....
mabey because i knew it is some how my fault....
the person who kept me alive is also gone..
my dog. i wish i could take him back.. or just spent a day with himm.,.,
i would kill to see him again or atleast let me kiss my baby one more time..
when i am feeling saad i close my eyes and imagine him LICKING away my tears....
if only i could hold him.....

boring..!!!

2009-01-25T22:47:00.000-08:00

the only reason i have created this blog cause i am damn bored..!!
today is chinese new year and since my uncle is a chinese i have to celebrate....
but the celebration will only be at night..... bored!!!!